I am not in America, nor am I American, but as the owner of a vagina I can’t help but pay attention to the fact that abortion rights may soon not be protected. Which is fucking insane! It’s 2020… I don’t understand how or why this is a fucking issue still. But, I digress….
Let’s talk about the reproductive responsibility of men.
I am well aware that it takes two to tango. An accidental pregnancy has life changing effects for at least two people, yet the woman is the only one who gets to have a choice about parenthood. I am not suggesting that a woman needs to have the father’s permission to get an abortion, that is fucking absurd. If a woman doesn’t want to go through pregnancy and/or birth, she has every right to make that choice. If the man wants the baby, that is unfortunate for him, but until men can create a tiny human that right belongs solely to women.
However, I do think men should be able to opt out of parenthood as well. Some of the logistics get a bit gray because I haven’t thought everything through yet.
Theoretically, I think men should have until the woman is 12 weeks pregnant to opt out of any parental responsibility – financial or otherwise.
Why 12 weeks? Because generally that is the point to where a woman can easily access an abortion.
I’d love to say up to 20 weeks, but late-term abortions can be difficult to acquire. So that being said, there may be cases in which a man is able to opt out up to this point.
What about the cases where the man isn’t aware of the pregnancy until after the birth of the child?
Honestly, I don’t know. I told you…. I haven’t thought everything through.
I have presented this argument to people before who seem to brush it off with, “well, you would think differently if it happened to you.”
No. I wouldn’t. Do you know why I know this? Because it happened to me.
My kid was an accident. Her father wanted me to get an abortion, I couldn’t do it for my own reasons (although I am 100% pro-choice, and have gone with friends to have the procedure done). He didn’t want the baby, but I could force it on him and at the very least he would be partially financially responsible for this child for 18 years.
That didn’t sit right with me.
So, I told him that he had until I was 12 weeks pregnant to decide. If he chose to leave me, then I would raise the child by myself and not ask anything of him. Although I did say that if/when the child asked about their father I would provide his information to the child.
I won’t lie, it was a stressful week or two, but I had made my choice and it was only fair that I gave him time to make his.