Monogamy as “the norm”. Will we ever get away from this idea?
Personally, I am not sure if we will. At this point, it is so culturally ingrained, despite the fact that non-monogamy is gaining popularity.
What is monogamy?
Most people accept that monogamy is a given when starting a romantic relationship, but there is no conversation surrounding it. Is watching porn considered cheating? Is having sexual thoughts about other people considered cheating? Boundaries are different in every relationship.
I have friends that consider themselves monogamous, but flirting with, and kissing, other people are acceptable behaviours in their relationship. Another couple I know would completely consider that an open relationship.
So what is monogamy?
Ebb and Flow in Non-monogamous relationships
Personally, I find that if I have a secondary partner that I experience less sexual ebb and flow in my primary relationship. Being out with my secondary always makes me want to come home to my primary, I want to share with him! But also, I am always reminded of all of the qualities I love – why he is my primary.
Monogamy in a non-monogamous relationship
I have to say that I am fairly monogamous in my non-monogamous relationships. I originally wanted an open relationship because I like to kiss people when I am intoxicated. From there I started reading about different relationship styles and forms of non-monogamy and have now settled on a type of hierarchical polyamory.
In the ten plus years that I have been with my husband I have had sex with exactly two other people. One a very casual encounter, and the other is very much a romantic (albeit, long-distance) relationship.
Intentional vs unintentional
The irony was not lost on me that there are so many people who are unintentionally in non-monogamous relationships.
That is all.