This isn’t even a clickbait title, I got called a gender traitor today, and it wasn’t the first time.
Hardcore feminism today seems to have this notion that equality is only achieved when women are more powerful than men. This makes the battle between the sexes a zero-sum game; men were in the position of power for so long, now it is the time of women. Personally, this seems like a ridiculous concept. Why do men have to lose for women to gain?
These beliefs are the result of the hive-mind. I think that individually most people are rational and understand that equality is what is important and that there may be different ways to achieve that but, I digress…
I consider myself to be a pretty decent adult, I have a job, a kid, a house, you know… responsibilities that I take care of; I don’t need a partner in order to function in life. People respect me at my job, I am a leader, I stand up for people. So many of the things that I believe are essential to feminism at its core.
I am also kinky, into some pretty heavy BDSM, and I am strangely open about it. People I work with know – not the details, but some generalities. I was having a more in-depth conversation with a new woman at work and she asked for some specifics (and who am I not to share?). Well, the specifics are that I am pretty into 24/7 TPE (total power exchange) lifestyle (my husband is not, so I don’t get to practice this, but it would be an ideal for me).
We talked about what I would want in this lifestyle, which in a lot of ways would look like a 1950’s dynamic. I want to be responsible for most of the household chores, while my partner would get to sit and relax after work; I want to be punished if I don’t get those chores done. I want to have to ask permission to go out with my friends, and I want a curfew. I want my partner to be able to use me sexually when he wants without the ability to say no. And more…
Of course, I play responsibly! There would always be a safeword, therefore an element of consent. And I would only engage in this lifestyle with someone who I trust completely. Someone who respects me, my intelligence, and my independence.
Well, let me tell you, she was not thrilled to hear about my proclivities. The indigniation about how my choices set women back!
They are my choices. I am free to choose whatever the fuck I want. Don’t tell me it’s “the patriarchy” making me believe that is what I want. Don’t infantilize me, I am a full-grown adult, capable of making my own fucking decisions.
Despite the fact that I want a 24/7 TPE domestic discipline lifestyle, I would never tolerate anyone telling me to be a housewife – that is not a life for me (but I have so much respect for women that can be a housewife/stay at home mom, I love my kiddo, but I need to work). I choose to submit, in a lot of ways, but I will never give up my independence.
Somewhere along the line, some feminists have lost sight of the fact that feminism is about equality, and that means the right to choose. If a woman chooses to stay at home and be financially dependant on her husband that is her right. It is equally as valid as the woman being the breadwinner while her husband stays home to take care of the children. Or maybe they both work and pay for a nanny. Who the fuck cares? As long as people are making the choices that are right for them.